2011 was the worst year of my life. It was the best year of my life in that I got my son, but, in some ways, that's unfortunately overshadowed by how he got here. I will never be the same person I was before my son was born. Everyone changes when they have a child, but I'm scarred in a way that most people aren't.
It frustrates me when people say things like, "Oh, he's so healthy now!" The implication is that I should be over it. Yes, I'm incredibly fortunate that my son is doing so well. Yeah, but... I'm still not over it.
I feel like it's always "Yeah, but..."
It's been almost a year since he was born. Yeah, but I'm not over it.
He had a very easy NICU stay. Yeah, but I'm not over it.
He almost certainly won't have any long-term problems. Yeah, but I'm not over it.
I never will be. I still think about his birth or the NICU experience every single day.
Like, today, I remember that the labor & delivery nurse complimented me on my engagement ring. It's like so many things in my life get turned back to the NICU. Has it gotten better?
Yeah, but I'm not over it.
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