My son turn a year old next week. I have such mixed feelings about it. I'm happy and proud, but obviously sad that my little baby is growing up. And I'm really worried that his birthday is going to trigger even more memories. The flashbacks had gone away for awhile, but I'm worried they're coming back. The memories are coming back.
Maybe it's the weather, too. It was snowy when my son was born. In fact, there had been several snow storms right around his birthday. Shortly after he was born, I remember looking at my Blackberry to see e-mails from my company telling everyone to stay home due to the bad weather. We got another of those e-mails today. And it brought back the memories again.
It doesn't help that I'm stressed at work. I think the memories are stronger when I'm worried or sad or angry. Feeling bad emotions just takes me back to labor & delivery and the NICU.
I'm frustrated. I just want my head to be screwed on straight.
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